None of us are perfect and God knows that. He made us perfect, but He gave us free-will to make our own decisions. In our humanity, those choices are not always correct and therefore, we become imperfect. That imperfection, however, does not mean that we won't make it to heaven. It just means we have to continue to strive for perfection...to strive to do good, to follow His Word, to follow He who is Perfect (Jesus), to admit our mistakes when we make them, to ask forgiveness for them, and to try not to repeat them.
Sometimes, when I know I've done wrong and can't forgive myself, even when Jesus can, I have to remind myself that I am worthy of His love, grace and forgiveness. There are many things that help me to do that, though not always quickly: prayer, Scripture, music, reading. Let me start with music, for that is what has inspired this particular writing...
One day, I was sitting here listening to "Worth It" by Fifth Harmony (feat. Kid Ink). Yes, this is a very secular song and you wouldn't normally get faith-inspiration from it. But I did. Phrases throughout the song, such as:
"Just give me you"...I just want Jesus. I want to follow Him.
"You see me in the spotlight"...Jesus sees everything, thought and deed. I can't hide my imperfections from Him, whether I try to or not.
"I love your style"...I want to do what it is He wants me to do. I want to be more like Him and His Mother, Mary...a humble servant who wishes to do what it is God has put me on this earth to do. But I do stumble in my attempts to do this, so I have to remind myself....
"Give it to me, I'm worth it"...His love, His grace, His forgiveness...they are sufficient for me. The fact that He went to the cross and died for my sins...that tells me I'm worth it in His eyes. The fact that there is a verse that says "Ask...Seek...Knock...you shall receive," just reminds me to boldly ask, seek and knock and He will give me that forgiveness and grace that I am worthy of (Matthew 7:7-8).
Another song, "Remind Me" by Chris McLeod speaks to me too. I think these lines from the song are pretty self-explanatory:
"In the beginning You knew me. From the dawn of time I was the light in Your eye.
When you put the stars on display, you knew my name.
I was made from the dust of the garden and I started to see when you breathed over me.
So when I'm broken, tell me: I made you and it was good."
"I need You to bring me back to life.
Put Your arms around me, hold me tight, and remind me that I am loved."
"When my life feels empty, I just need You to remind me that I am loved."
There are many other songs and hymns that remind me of how worthy I am, both old and new, but I won't go into all of them. I'm sure that for each of us, those songs and hymns may differ depending on what is happening in our lives at the time.
As for Scriptures, one that helps me a lot when I am going through struggles is Matthew 11:28-30: "Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for your selves. For my yoke is easy, and my burden light."
Wisdom Chapter 3 was a great source of comfort in my loss last year, including:
v. 5: "Chastised a little, they shall be greatly blessed, because God tried them and found them worthy of himself."
v. 9: "Those who trust in him shall understand truth, and the faithful shall abide with him in love: Because grace and mercy are with his holy ones, and his care is with the elect."
Again, I could go on and on with verses, but I won't. If you read with a prayerful heart, God will show you to the verses that will mean much to you in your times of struggle, when you need to feel worthy, or when you are rejoicing.
Praying. Is there a right way or a wrong way to pray? While I could be wrong, I don't think there is. I am still learning many of the prayers that most Catholics know by heart. While I love many of those prayers, I also believe that whatever I pray, if it comes from my heart, God will listen. For I'm sure that, more than anything, He wishes us to say every prayer from our heart and not just from our head. Whether that prayer is said out loud or silently, does not matter. As long as we pray and communicate. That is what is important. He hears and He does respond in His time. Let us remember that His time is not always our time and so it can sometimes seem like ages before He responds. Let us remember, too, that His answer may not always be yes. Sometimes He does say no. Remember, that whatever His answer may be, it is answered for our best interests...for only He knows what is best for us!
As for reading, other than Scripture, there are many books, poems, prayers, and devotionals out there that can help us remind us of our worthiness and help us to grow in our faith. Read it prayerfully. Ask God to show you the message He wants you to receive from it. Make sure it is soundly based upon the Bible, for there are many things that seem to be but are not. One of my favorite places online to go learn is the Institute of Catholic Culture and EWTN. There is so much you can learn from just these two places, and I know there are many others out there that are just as good.
Whatever you choose to listen to or to read, may you do it prayerfully and may God speak to you through those things. May you find the wisdom, the comfort, the joy, the peace that you are searching for. And most of all, may you feel His love and feel worthy of that love as you make your way toward Home Plate!
God bless and peace be with you!