There are times when temptation comes our way. If we are prepared, if we have put on the armor of God, if we have prayed and continue to pray throughout the day, we tend to be able to overcome those temptations. But there are still times when it comes and we either WANT to give in to it, but don't, or we are weak and DO give in to it. When that happens, we may be putting our souls into mortal sin, depending on what that temptation is.
Those thoughts came to me as I faced one of those situations this week and I wondered, where do we go to confess when confession is not available??? It is a question I asked of myself most of that night and the answer came to me the following morning.
We go to Jesus. He is our Great Priest. He is our merciful and loving Savior, who forgives us always, even when we do unforgivable things. And when we still cannot forgive ourselves for those thoughts or actions???
I asked a dear friend these same questions about confession and he gave me a great answer: If confession is not available at your parish, but is available at another parish, then go to the other parish. It does not matter if you confess to your priest. You can confess to any priest. You can rest assured that when the priest pardons your sins, they truly are forgiven by God.
I was humbled, contrite and in tears for the shame I felt for I know that I have injured and disrespected God. I have disrespected and shamed myself through those impure thoughts of mine. But it goes beyond that. It's not just about me. It's also about the one I had the impure thoughts about...for it also puts him in danger, with or without his knowledge. And most importantly to me, it's about a person that I care about deeply. No, we don't have any type of commitment to each other (at least not spoken), but still...the impure thoughts are a form of cheating on him. And that breaks my heart deeply...more than words can even say. How can I forgive myself for that? How can I ask him to forgive me for that?
I thought that I had grown so much in my relationship with God that I was better than that. Why cannot I not be like Our Lord and His mother who did not seem to have such human thoughts and desires??? Even days later, I still do not know the answer to that question. But what Pope Francis said in his letter on Divine Mercy this past weekend really speaks to me:
"We need constantly to contemplate the mystery of mercy. It is a wellspring of joy, serenity, and peace. Our salvation depends on it. Mercy: the word reveals the very mystery of the Most Holy Trinity. Mercy: the ultimate and supreme act by which God comes to meet us. Mercy: the fundamental law that dwells in the heart of every person who looks sincerely into the eyes of his brothers and sisters on the path of life. Mercy: the bridge that connects God and man, opening our hearts to a hope of being loved forever despite our sinfulness."
So whether or not I can forgive myself, whether or not others can forgive me, I know that God can and does. And I know that He expects us to be just as merciful and forgiving to others. So, today, let us be His vessel to show others His mercy and grace.
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Dear God in Heaven,
What have I done? I have taken things that are so beautiful in my life that You have given me and feel as though I have completely destroyed them. How can I go on knowing that I have done this?
I know that You love me perfectly ... that You won't stop loving me just because I feel like I am a total screw up. I am so unworthy!!!! God, show me the way. Help me to be worthy and pure. Help me to forgive myself and to have mercy on myself when I feel so very unforgivable. Help me to love myself again the way that You love me. Help me dear Jesus. Pray for me, Mother Mary!
And I pray for others, too, that may find themselves feeling unlovable and unforgivable no matter the situation. Help them to know God's grace, love and mercy too. Help them to learn to love themselves again as God loves them.
Glory be to the Father, to the Son and to the Holy Spirit ... as it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be. Amen +
Those thoughts came to me as I faced one of those situations this week and I wondered, where do we go to confess when confession is not available??? It is a question I asked of myself most of that night and the answer came to me the following morning.
We go to Jesus. He is our Great Priest. He is our merciful and loving Savior, who forgives us always, even when we do unforgivable things. And when we still cannot forgive ourselves for those thoughts or actions???
I asked a dear friend these same questions about confession and he gave me a great answer: If confession is not available at your parish, but is available at another parish, then go to the other parish. It does not matter if you confess to your priest. You can confess to any priest. You can rest assured that when the priest pardons your sins, they truly are forgiven by God.
I was humbled, contrite and in tears for the shame I felt for I know that I have injured and disrespected God. I have disrespected and shamed myself through those impure thoughts of mine. But it goes beyond that. It's not just about me. It's also about the one I had the impure thoughts about...for it also puts him in danger, with or without his knowledge. And most importantly to me, it's about a person that I care about deeply. No, we don't have any type of commitment to each other (at least not spoken), but still...the impure thoughts are a form of cheating on him. And that breaks my heart deeply...more than words can even say. How can I forgive myself for that? How can I ask him to forgive me for that?
I thought that I had grown so much in my relationship with God that I was better than that. Why cannot I not be like Our Lord and His mother who did not seem to have such human thoughts and desires??? Even days later, I still do not know the answer to that question. But what Pope Francis said in his letter on Divine Mercy this past weekend really speaks to me:
"We need constantly to contemplate the mystery of mercy. It is a wellspring of joy, serenity, and peace. Our salvation depends on it. Mercy: the word reveals the very mystery of the Most Holy Trinity. Mercy: the ultimate and supreme act by which God comes to meet us. Mercy: the fundamental law that dwells in the heart of every person who looks sincerely into the eyes of his brothers and sisters on the path of life. Mercy: the bridge that connects God and man, opening our hearts to a hope of being loved forever despite our sinfulness."
So whether or not I can forgive myself, whether or not others can forgive me, I know that God can and does. And I know that He expects us to be just as merciful and forgiving to others. So, today, let us be His vessel to show others His mercy and grace.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear God in Heaven,
What have I done? I have taken things that are so beautiful in my life that You have given me and feel as though I have completely destroyed them. How can I go on knowing that I have done this?
I know that You love me perfectly ... that You won't stop loving me just because I feel like I am a total screw up. I am so unworthy!!!! God, show me the way. Help me to be worthy and pure. Help me to forgive myself and to have mercy on myself when I feel so very unforgivable. Help me to love myself again the way that You love me. Help me dear Jesus. Pray for me, Mother Mary!
And I pray for others, too, that may find themselves feeling unlovable and unforgivable no matter the situation. Help them to know God's grace, love and mercy too. Help them to learn to love themselves again as God loves them.
Glory be to the Father, to the Son and to the Holy Spirit ... as it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be. Amen +